It’s All About Presence
I was lucky enough to be able to go on retreat to the St Paul of the Cross Passionist Retreat Center a couple weeks ago. I wasn’t particularly sure if I wanted to go, but Tony and Mike strongarmed me into going. Just like the last time I didn’t want to go on retreat, me not wanting to go meant I really needed to be there. The theme of the retreat was “It’s all about presence” and that was taken in a number of ways. We had a few talks, some of them were about Jesus being truly present in the Eucharist, or about how we as men struggle to be present in a situation. I want to focus on the latter for the purposes of this musing, as it resonated with me in a profound way.
First thing to understand about this retreat was it was a “silent retreat” which basically meant when we weren’t at meals we were supposed to be silent, either listening to the talks or listening to whatever God had for us. People in general are so nervous around silence, we crave a bit of background noise or something to fill that void. This comes from the idea that when we have nothing else to distract us, it forces us to come to terms with whatever is bugging us. We like to push down whatever is holding us back because often times it’s an uncomfortable reality. Whether it’s a difficult conversation we know we need to have with someone (often ourselves about a bad habit) or confronting the mistakes we have made, the best and sometimes only way to start is by getting rid of the distractions and being present.
I want to bring attention to something that Father Johnson discussed in his talk. There’s a reason that Presence and Present are similar words. The word present comes from the Latin word praesens, which is the present participle of the word praeesse. Praeesse means "to be before one". To be before something is to be in it’s presence, but it also shifts our focus into the now. Too often men are focused on the past or the future. With the future it’s “do I have enough time for all the things I want and need to do?” or worrying about bills, the yard work, your meeting on Monday and did I forget to grab milk, etc… All of these things are important to some degree as we need to keep the future in mind, but at the end of the day, the future belongs to the plans God has for us. No amount of planning or worrying is going to perfectly shape it. On the flip side, we are obsessed with the past, whether it’s wanting to relive the good olde days or constantly reminding ourselves of all our mistakes. Believe me, I’m familiar with mistakes I’ve made and I constantly beat myself up over them. That time also no longer belongs to us as we can’t change the past, so what are we left with? The present is all we truly have, and it’s the greatest gift we can give to someone. It is in the present that we have the time to give of ourselves fully, so being stuck in the past or only looking to the future makes it so we overlook what time we have. It is in the present that we can truly find healing for mistakes of the past and better ourselves so when the future comes we are ready for it. An excerpt of the prayer from the prayer breakfast I attend sums it up nicely:
Lord I’m a man,
A man who struggles to find enough time,
Enough money, enough patience,
For all that challenges me on this life’s journey
We all struggle with time, whether it’s stuck in the past, looking too far ahead, or just ignoring the present in the first place. At the end of the day, it’s all about being present, and being fully in the presence of the people who you need to spend time with. I challenge you to find some time each day for silence, even if it’s just a few moments before you start your day or before you go to bed. Meditate on the blessings of the present and then take some time to be fully present with your loved ones and God. I promise you it will enrich the time you spend with them as you learn to be truly present with them
God Bless
Andrew
